Bonnie's Story

07/99

For those of you that don't know who I am, My name is Bonnie and I have been married to a agent for 13 plus years.

We were stationed in Chula Vista California for 12 years and in the past year we transferred to Santa Teresa, New Mexico. We live in Las Crucse, New Mexico (it's about an hours drive from the station). We have three children (almost out of the house) 15,17,19. For those of you just starting out, Good Luck. It's a long hard road but in the long run it's worth it. It may take up to a year before you get orders or as it is being called the "Fed X Fairy" coming.

Once you get to this point the fun is just getting started. There are classes and studying and more studying. Then after graduation, it's off to start your new life at you station. By the end of your 4 months, you will be ready to get out there and work your heart out. But as it turns out it's back to the classroom for more studying (one day a week). When you do get to go out in that patrol car, it with a training officer that you are going to say "yes" to all the time. If you are really lucky he/she may even let you drive once.

You are going to be dotting your "i's" and crossing your "t's" tell that big day comes and you take your 10 month exam. With your fingers crossed you passed and you are out the door to become Super Agent. (it's ok all the guys/gals think he/she knows it all for the first two or three years). For those of you that have families it's a bit harder. Trying to balance both sometimes doesn't always work. I found that I was taking on more at home to give him the free time he needed to study. I was hoping that once he passed his 10 month exam things would go back to normal. I am still waiting for normal! Depending on the station you go to, living with shift work is hard.

We have worked 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 6 months. Right now its 8 weeks shift changes, that is 8 weeks of days, swings, mids. When you first start out, getting weekends off or sharing a holiday with the family is something only in your dreams. It was 5 years before we got one weekend day off. If you are lucky like us, and have children that adds to more fun. It's keeping the kids quiet so your better half can sleep while on mids . No help with homework, school open houses. Do you remember the times when something around the house would break and he was right there to fix it? Well, it's time to go out and buy yourself a tool box.

Then there is the fear. The fear is always there, you just learn to live with it. The first time you see a news flash saying a agent has been hurt, your heart stops. Every time the phone rings you find yourself running to get it. When there is a knock on the door and a agent is standing there. I have lived through all of this. But with the grace of God, my hubby has always healed. The one thing I have always made sure I do everyday is to tell him "I love you" even if I have to leave a note for him before he goes to work.

There are times that this life can be hard on a marriage. Sometimes it's more give than take. I love the man I am married to and he loves his job. So I deal with my fears, take care of the things he can't or doesn't have time to do. Spend quality time with him when he is home. Just remember things do get better. Before you know it, work will stay at work, he or she will have weekends off and holidays again with the family. I for one, I can truthfully say is the Border Patrol is one big family looking out for one another. I have meet some of the most wonderful people, true friends for life. When you don't think you can deal with it anymore just remember you're not the only one going through this, call another wife in your area or visit BP Spouse board and let off your steam.

You could do what I do, take a deep breath count to ten and tell myself that tomorrow is only a few hours away. I wish all of you good luck and best wishes with all of this.

Bonnie